When I told my husband good night, he laughed that I also mentioned, I had been up for 6 hours and was ready to sleep for another 12. I was ready for more sleep, only about an hour later my phone chirped. Then not much later it chirped again. After finally finding a way to turn off the notifications, the stupid phone got a text message buzzing at me instead. I'm awake, I've been doing this for almost a month now. I can insist Eddie go to bed at 11 p.m. and I'll settle down beside him then about 12:30 a.m. I'm awake. I can be up for half an hour to 5 hours and I can't change the habit.
First let me tell you, I don't dare turn the ringer off completely. I have a few times and then missed vital calls from my husband, kid at school or son leaving work to come to my house. I'm very tired of this electronic leash. Texts to "Call me" or calls without a voicemail are enough to trigger some bad reactions but these others in the middle of the night. It's just too much for my poor little brain to handle.
I'm also in a bad mood. There is nothing like looking forward to getting a gift for a child only to have that child complain about the add ons that were not purchased with it. February 2016 I bought my sons new phones. My teen called it a crappy phone for months. Then Pokémon hunting became a thing and the youngest started in about crappy phone too. I could just hear my mother, them and my ex husbands all surrounding the me in my mind, round and around the camera spins as each person leans in and says "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" Finally we have broken the children from the habit, the exes do not have power over me at all, and my mother is dead so I should be better. Then another "gift" comes along and there's another list of add ons. Or they get something some other way, purchasing it or finding it on the road and boom, it's not good enough. I don't have money to upgrade or supplement the item and I'm not good enough again. Christmas time comes along and there is that nasty monster again. I thought I had thought of everything for my budding youtuber. Camera, ways to mount it to anything imaginable, extra batteries, tripods, water proof case. The boy was happy until some other youtuber says "download this app" to stream live video to your phone and then attach it to your water pole, or remote control car and poof, you have it going on in spades. But the app isn't supported on his phone. Work-arounds are found but then they don't work after all. It's all a conspiracy I tell ya, a conspiracy to make you buy that stupid new phone...the one that is obsolete the minute you take it out of the box. It's been this way for decades.
I beg Eddie to try to figure out another solution. I figure he will leave the room taking the child with him so I can cry in privacy but no, they stay in the room with me. I lost it, the boy started crying because I was crying. My husband had no idea why we were crying because the man has no empathy anymore. Then a blessing falls from the internet universe, the app isn't compatible with his new camera. That's right the thing he's been trying to use for 24 hours isn't compatible with the camera after all because that program is the thing that is out of date not my purchase. Hallelujah, I did okay after all somebody else is not good enough until some other youtuber says I'm wrong.
Anyway, this didn't trigger my insomnia but it didn't help. Now I'm going to go knit, try to keep my knee warm and let these other people sleep. I may check myself into a psych ward for the next week or two. Wish me luck.
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