one good moment

 I have been watching Station 19, binging it because I want to catch up to Grey's Anatomy.   I'm at the pandemic.  I have been thinking about how much my life has changed since then.  

My life sucked at that time.  My husband and I were fighting with my teenagers to go to school.  We fought with each other about which kid did or did not go to school.  I was just weeks past my middle son wanting to be homeless rather than deal with his abusive brother any more.  My husband just didn't see the reason to be so on edge about it.   I had one foot out the door.  I knew it would be a monumental task to move but I wasn't going to live with someone that wouldn't back me up when it came to our youngest son.  Then the brat hit me.  

It made a difference to my husband then, but I wasn't ready to forgive him for letting it get that bad.  

Then I knew I had to change the pressure I was putting on my son about school.  I changed my thinking about what I wanted out of my marriage and my husband realized how much he had been neglecting me.  

It took a while for things to get back to an even keel again.  We still had problems with the kids and each other then I had my heart attack.  

A whole lot more changed for us.  My husband taking me to every doctor's visit put a bigger priority on us being together.  

Just last weekend, we had that one perfect moment.  Our youngest son was going to work and my husband leaned over to kiss me during our conversation about it.  If I weren't 350 lbs, 51 years old and dealing with vertigo issues, I would have turned a cartwheel because it was such a sweet moment.  

Its something I have needed for so long.  A good kiss. 

We hugged a lot this weekend too.   

It was great to have those moments back.  I hope they stay.  

Dream Vacation

 A self care blog suggested I create a dream vacation for a release of pent up mom stress.  I did this in a way in one of my fan fics.   I went to Paris on a fabric, fiber, and creativity items for my businesses in Oklahoma.  While there, I fell in love with a precious little girl then her father and eventually they moved back with me.  But the story didn't have a happy ending.  

Based on my current reality my dream vacation would be something similar only it would include my husband.  Neither of us would ache or complain about pains.  We could eat or drink anything and totally enjoy ourselves.  There wouldn't be worry about the boys, the animals or other family members. 

So from January through most of February we would travel Michigan first for our grand daughter's birthday then off to Hawaii, Japan, Hong Kong, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa to see friends and purchase things for our businesses.    

The best part won't really be making the purchases but the time my husband and I can have together just being free.  

That would be great.  Of course the next best thing is shopping for the house.  So when I need a really good escape, I start planning room makeovers.  My husband doesn't want to hear about it so in my head, I have a best friend contractor/designer that helps me with all that stuff.   

I feel better now.  I think I need to find my wish list and get back to my planning