I'm so keyed up. I can't write. I can't create. I'm so.... I can't put it into words. I've been blocked for a while and I'm trapped. There are so many things I need to do but I can't.
I either sleep or I'm in the bathroom. I hate it.
See, Eddie wanted to go fishing and I wanted him to take Shane because I needed the break but neither left. Eddie couldn't wake Shane. He didn't want to fight with him. Eddie is upset and I feel guilty because I insisted Shane go with him.
Now, I'm trapped in the bedroom just like always. I have no where I can go unless, it's the bathroom. I can't venture out because I'm so upset I don't dare leave the house.
So I sit on Eddie's computer. I hocked my own to get groceries. I should get it back Thursday, maybe. If not, I may have to wait another 2 weeks or so.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Sunday, January 20, 2019
So depressed and frustrated
I made a huge mistake recently. I started using Instagram. Initially I did it for the gallery. However, I'm addicted to the feeds but dissatisfied with them at the same time.
Personally, I don't like Instagram for one big reason. Followers. At this time I have 9 followers claiming to be Trace Adkins. One ruined it for me. It's affected my feelings about Trace and his music. I've had to block my feed about Trace, cancel my plans for Valentine's Day, and change my playlists. Just talking about it or seeing his face starts a huge thing of anxiety for me.
So, here's how it went. An impostor says, let's chat. So I think why not. I'm bored and you could be an intern or publicist. Then he wants to go to hangouts, because he's not on Instagram that much. Like a fool I say sure and give him my gmail email address. Then he asks about my home life. I like bragging about my boys and my husband so no problem. yadda yadda, I like to sew, quilt, knit and crochet. This is where it breaks down. The language of the posts changes just enough to make me think the imposter doesn't speak English very well. He asks how I cover my bills? If I have savings so I have access to money. Um, I have a husband, normally, it is implied that if I stay home with the kids, he works, right?
This is a big red flag for me. Anyone associated with Trace should not be making sure I cover my bills and have savings. So I tell the impostor that my money is none of his business. I knew he wasn't a well brought up Southern gentleman that I equate with Trace and told him so because manners means no one should ask a stranger "so how do you pay your bills?" That's right, everyone, walk up to the next celebrity you meet and ask them that question. I can hear Bill Engvall in my head, "I don't because I'm a celebrity on the road 40 weeks of the year. I have someone that does that for me. Here's your sign! you big dumb fat ass white trash skank that should be called Tulsa backwards but would insult Tulsa." Okay, he wouldn't really say that but Ron White might.
So I call the impostor on his bad manners and it escalates. He says, I need to watch how I talk to him because he "stood low" to talk to me. So there it is, I am the big dumb fat ass white trash skank that should be called Tulsa backwards. See now this triggers something in me. I grew up welfare poor because my dad didn't stick around and my mom was too mentally ill to hold down a job for long. My dad didn't pay his child support either. We made it through with the help of my mom's family and maybe my dad's family. I grew up in low income sometimes free housing or stuffed in one room with my mother and sister at my grandparent's house if my mom didn't marry some loser that didn't want to support us either. So most of my life I've been considered white trash.
My first husband certainly treated me as such. My second husband wouldn't let me forget it. A couple of boyfriends lorded it over me. Eddie, he doesn't care but sees it when it comes to getting things for the boys. So. I've given my email address, the one I use for my accounts to this impostor already. The impostor continues to harass me. Finally, I tell him off and block him. But soon I'm being direct messaged by another Trace Adkins account and another and another. There are like 14 of them following me, sending me the same introduction dm.
This triggers a bunch of other stuff for me. I'm puking up blood after having to get drunk to sleep. Trace impersonators are haunting my dreams. I've set up a nightmare carnival in my head and let the liars move in rent free. Now I feel lower than the core of the earth. I'm ready to give up my social media altogether. But. I'm addicted. I keep repeating the cycle.
Trace isn't the only one though. Toby Keith's impostor wanted all my personal identification including names listed in a lot of security questions so that he could send me the information needed to win. 1.6 million dollars, a trip to Central America to party with him and 3 guest, trip to see him anywhere in on his concert tour with meet and greet, meal and back stage passes. Now see I didn't fall for that one other than giving him my actual address and saying send me a cashiers check for 45k over night.
And my beloved Jensen Ackles had an impostor too. This impostor wanted me to send money to cure "the MS" (red flag number one) I say no problem send me a link to the fund rasier web site. Instead I should send the money to the imposter directly but the $50 I pledged isn't enough I should send $150 to make him look better "to cure the MS" (second and third red flags) Finally, I would be allowed to send only $50 but I should send it as an iTunes gift certificate. (Final flag) I'm done. He's blocked and I reject messages from anyone saying they are a celebrity unless it comes from their verified handle.
Can I listen to Trace? not yet. Toby? only my favorites, Jensen, ALWAYS.
Personally, I don't like Instagram for one big reason. Followers. At this time I have 9 followers claiming to be Trace Adkins. One ruined it for me. It's affected my feelings about Trace and his music. I've had to block my feed about Trace, cancel my plans for Valentine's Day, and change my playlists. Just talking about it or seeing his face starts a huge thing of anxiety for me.
So, here's how it went. An impostor says, let's chat. So I think why not. I'm bored and you could be an intern or publicist. Then he wants to go to hangouts, because he's not on Instagram that much. Like a fool I say sure and give him my gmail email address. Then he asks about my home life. I like bragging about my boys and my husband so no problem. yadda yadda, I like to sew, quilt, knit and crochet. This is where it breaks down. The language of the posts changes just enough to make me think the imposter doesn't speak English very well. He asks how I cover my bills? If I have savings so I have access to money. Um, I have a husband, normally, it is implied that if I stay home with the kids, he works, right?
This is a big red flag for me. Anyone associated with Trace should not be making sure I cover my bills and have savings. So I tell the impostor that my money is none of his business. I knew he wasn't a well brought up Southern gentleman that I equate with Trace and told him so because manners means no one should ask a stranger "so how do you pay your bills?" That's right, everyone, walk up to the next celebrity you meet and ask them that question. I can hear Bill Engvall in my head, "I don't because I'm a celebrity on the road 40 weeks of the year. I have someone that does that for me. Here's your sign! you big dumb fat ass white trash skank that should be called Tulsa backwards but would insult Tulsa." Okay, he wouldn't really say that but Ron White might.
So I call the impostor on his bad manners and it escalates. He says, I need to watch how I talk to him because he "stood low" to talk to me. So there it is, I am the big dumb fat ass white trash skank that should be called Tulsa backwards. See now this triggers something in me. I grew up welfare poor because my dad didn't stick around and my mom was too mentally ill to hold down a job for long. My dad didn't pay his child support either. We made it through with the help of my mom's family and maybe my dad's family. I grew up in low income sometimes free housing or stuffed in one room with my mother and sister at my grandparent's house if my mom didn't marry some loser that didn't want to support us either. So most of my life I've been considered white trash.
My first husband certainly treated me as such. My second husband wouldn't let me forget it. A couple of boyfriends lorded it over me. Eddie, he doesn't care but sees it when it comes to getting things for the boys. So. I've given my email address, the one I use for my accounts to this impostor already. The impostor continues to harass me. Finally, I tell him off and block him. But soon I'm being direct messaged by another Trace Adkins account and another and another. There are like 14 of them following me, sending me the same introduction dm.
This triggers a bunch of other stuff for me. I'm puking up blood after having to get drunk to sleep. Trace impersonators are haunting my dreams. I've set up a nightmare carnival in my head and let the liars move in rent free. Now I feel lower than the core of the earth. I'm ready to give up my social media altogether. But. I'm addicted. I keep repeating the cycle.
Trace isn't the only one though. Toby Keith's impostor wanted all my personal identification including names listed in a lot of security questions so that he could send me the information needed to win. 1.6 million dollars, a trip to Central America to party with him and 3 guest, trip to see him anywhere in on his concert tour with meet and greet, meal and back stage passes. Now see I didn't fall for that one other than giving him my actual address and saying send me a cashiers check for 45k over night.
And my beloved Jensen Ackles had an impostor too. This impostor wanted me to send money to cure "the MS" (red flag number one) I say no problem send me a link to the fund rasier web site. Instead I should send the money to the imposter directly but the $50 I pledged isn't enough I should send $150 to make him look better "to cure the MS" (second and third red flags) Finally, I would be allowed to send only $50 but I should send it as an iTunes gift certificate. (Final flag) I'm done. He's blocked and I reject messages from anyone saying they are a celebrity unless it comes from their verified handle.
Can I listen to Trace? not yet. Toby? only my favorites, Jensen, ALWAYS.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)