I am beyond stressed at the moment

I have set routines for the kids for the school year and Eddie says I'm being too rigid by creating routines.

We've been married for nearly 20 years, raising kids for almost all of them, if not our own, we had day care kids or nieces and nephews.  I had those kids days structured and it worked out well for me then.
He can't see that the past year of unstructured time has nearly killed me?  Ugh.

So later in less than an hour he's going to be flexible and I'm going to get more upset.  Okay I'm borrowing trouble.  I have to put my worries in God's hands.   I can do this.

Change my tune.  I just caught the cat playing with the toilet lid.  Biting on it like it's a real play thing.  Silly cat.

I have to say that the new house is a magnet for sirens.  The emergency vehicles always seem to scream past our house sirens blaring then it's like they have to circle back because they missed their turn and just past our back gate they turn off the sirens.  When it wakes me in the middle of night, I have the overwhelming urge to go see where it stopped.

Time to go.

My sinuses are killing me.

written June 23rd
If I pack, it will make my sinuses worse because of all the allergens I'll disturb.  But I want to get things done too I've designed the rooms

This is our master suite.  Eventually the book cases will moved down the wall to make way for a door to the en suite bath and a bump out into the room for a closet.  In the mean time, you can see the bed and my big chair for knitting or crochet and an ottoman, I guess I really should just pull the sleeper sofa from Shane's room in there. But I would rather have a lower armed chair  I have 11 feet of book cases.  At the end of them if I can fit it in, I will have my desk. then we turn the corner to have my sewing machine then the ironing board. Behind me will eventually be a full sheet of plywood work surface with filing cabinets under it. For right now, that will have to be my dinner table.  The long rectangle is storage cubes then I cede the room to Eddie and his flat file, dry mount machine and filing cabinets along with a recliner and a desk of his own plus his chest of drawers and a book shelf. Out in the middle is our tv, one because I don't want to waist wall space on it and two, the room is 40' wide that 's a long view.  Maybe not so much if I bring the old plasma in there and put the new lcd in the living room

this is the living room if it will fit. this way  I have the desk in this room too because of probabilities but I would really like to have my computer in my room and the living room be a tv and hang out place.  The u shape in the upper corner is a planned peninsula with a dish washer and storage turned out toward Eddie's chair.  This will be a place to stash his coloring stuff or all those little things that gather around his seating area,  The door had enough space to put a coat rack behind it.  I kinda want the shoes to come off on the front porch and I have a bench to go out there just for that. I'm going to keep a few ottomans out in the room for seating but where to put them is bothering me. floating out there in the middle of the room will be a hassle. 

This is the screened in porch the sofa in the picture is actually a swing already there.  The we just add a long bench as a coffee table, or the coffee table and the 3 chairs we keep on the porch and we should be golden.  I'm going to be looking for chunks of tree to make tables/seating too.  We'll put out starter trays or plants that could be outside in the summer near the windows.  My Christmas tree will live out here too.

New neighbors, new problems

     We moved.  One of my biggest symptoms of my mental illnesses is tummy trouble.  Day in, day out.  I was in the bathroom a lot.  Our poor potty and the seal in the floor just couldn't take the strain and started leaking, then it started sinking.  This went on for nearly 3 years until the constantly running toilet due to the leaking, ran our water bill up to the last bill of $1400.  Now the usage was estimated the last 3 months because the meter was damaged and needs to be replaced. But Eddie could read the meter just find and well the estimate was pretty accurate.  So the water company turned off our water since it was obvious there was a leak.  No water in a rental home makes it uninhabitable and we had to move.  

     It's been over a month in the new place.  We have so much room and we're finally spreading out again, but the move was hard on all of us.   We took my youngest from his core group of friends.  The way the house is set up, we adults are more isolated from the kids and we settle in to our hobbies in our room more often.  This leaves the teens a little more unsupervised.  It all came to a head last week when the youngest took a hammer to his brother but missed by the grace of a closed bedroom door.  The poor hollow core door that's been in the house for at least 40 years, didn't fair as well.   Honestly, if my older son had been leaning against the door he would have still been hit in the head.  So my youngest is enjoying the stigma of being considered a danger to the family.

     At his age, I was a little destructive too. I had my nose in a corner but insisted in arguing with my mom.  Her attempts to shut me up ticked me off and I kicked a hole in the sheet rock by my feet.  Why my grandfather didn't step in with his belt right then is beyond me.  Being grounded for a month and having to pay for the new sheet rock, tape, mud and paint changed me.  I was 16 when a guy broke my heart and I took refuge in the bathroom.  Thunking back against the wall behind me in sadness and frustration knocked a linebackers shoulders and back sized hole this time.  Again I had to pay for the damage and get grounded.  Fine by me,  I was avoiding going out anyway.  Being shaped like Refrigerator Perry has not done me any favors.

So fast forward 33 years and here I am in this new house for the last month.  We have 2 bathrooms!!! that is a real relief for me and the boys.  I'm no longer telling them to hold on or go water a tree.  Yes I have said that.  I also told a teen to go pee on his father's tires.  He did too because the tree was too far away in the dark.

So tonight, there's a loud motor across the street or intersection from us.  There used to be one at the old house too but then they moved.   There was a race car builder behind us at the old house too so the young guys would work until late at night then do donuts and burn outs in the intersections and the next morning when we were catching up with our sleep, the race car engines would fire up and rouse us.  

Tonight I'm pricing new windows and insulation, I'm thinking, church is going to be very early in the morning for me if I can't go to sleep.  I think the rain has driven the echo chamber enthusiast into the house.  I'm also wondering if my tummy will let me sleep?  Okay, the trouble with the kids, and the noise hasn't cause today's bouts in the bathroom.  Chocolate is to blame.  I have over indulged and it's overstimulated my digestive tract.  So I must pay the price.

I was suffering before the chocolate too though.  I was depressed over the suffering and turned to chocolate to comfort me.  I think my medication to control the tummy trouble has a bad side effect.  I think it causes me to back up enough I start vomiting to get things flushing semi normally.  That sucks because I used to only vomit when I was super upset and having tummy trouble deluxe.  The medication changed that.  Gotta remember to call GSI Monday and see if they want to changed it or see me first.

Well, getting this off my chest has helped.  The rain hitting the tin roof of my carport is lulling me into a sleeping mood so I may just go take advantage of it.  Tomorrow morning, I wonder if God will forgive me if I set off my panic button while parked across the intersection?  The thunder and lightning may indicate that I shouldn't.