As normal I let myself get upset. I'm upset about the normal things - pain and ambien. I spend my evenings saying Thank God, he's rubbing my back then it stops. When I move to release the pressure of his hand trapped against my ribs, he snaps awake because the Ambien has taken over already. It's not that he really wants to pet me. It's just an drunken after thought, something to do before bed like watching cat videos.
Tonight it was different. It hurt because of the whelps on my back. He wasn't alert/sober enough to know he was hurting me. When I pulled away, he just rolled over to sleep.
I shouldn't be mad each night, every night. I'm fine until I realize it's not affection it's inhibition. It could be a dog, the cat or my fluffy blanket. This is almost more than I can take right now.
I know things are healing really well back there because they itch like crazy. It's kinda awesome. I generally take weeks to heal, bruises can last for almost a month but with my new medications, I'm clearing up fast. The bruise on my face is almost gone, it's just yellow now. The cut is in a precarious spot but I have the bandages I got when I had my knee replacement. Putting those tagasomething sheets over it I won't need the stitches more than 10 days. Maybe I won't scar.... yeah right.
So I've been working on goals. First goal was to get back into college, one because I miss learning new things and two because I want to set a good example for G.
Second goal is to add workouts to my college time. Just as soon as I find the gym on campus I'm going to hit the bike. If I can't do it there, I'll join the Boys and Girls club again.
I guess instead of saying they are goals I should say they are habits I want to add to my day to day life.
Meanwhile my to do list is getting longer.
Need to replace the faucet on the kitchen sink.
Re-caulk the kitchen sink too would be good
Come on remodel.... It can't get here quick enough. I saw some awesome cabinets online. They were used but in good shape then I realized, they aren't any where near me. I would be better off having Jay Rambo make mine. Keep it local.
Maybe I can get the walk in tub installed before Eddie gets too sick to use it.
I need to walk through something. I need to see it in print to solidify my plans.
If I put a modular on the Silver City property then I will have a place to stay while I renovate this place. Have a place for a not so live in house keeper to stay once the house is built and things will be fine.
Okay so that helps.
silver city utilities, may need a well.
storm shelter for the silver city property.
modular
steel building
moving out there
rain water containment here and there.
remodel this place
mil in suite under the garage
rental apartment over the garage
upstairs for this place
fix up Sherrie's place.
there then Marilyn will have a place, The boys can have their picks and I can feel confident that I have the hide away I need.
sounds good.
I should be studying.
