My triumphant return to work

Today was my first official day back to work.  What a crazy day.  I work with a headset and microphone plugged into my computer.  My first call, I can't hear a the person on the other end. 

I called the helpline and they fixed my settings for me.

I can take calls but the callers say there's an echo.  Ah, I say, "that's the emptyness between my ears." 

Then I'm rearranging my desk and bump the cord.  Once again I cannot hear customers.  I call the help line from the house phone and what does the guy hear in the back ground?  Jason Voorhies' theme music from the Friday the 13th movies.  Why?  because Eddie is watching a marathon of the movies in the living room.  There's a closed door between the movies and me but the sound is loud. 

Gotta move my desk back to it's previous location.

So, I'm back to work and some people are checking on me.  How you feeling?and such.  I just haven't gotten to the point where I tell them that for the first 3 weeks after my surgery all I dreamt about was work.  Seriously. 

I'm dreaming I'm sorting my paperwork and putting some of it in a basket in front of me.  (first, I don't have paperwork and second, I'm laying on my side in the bed and Eddie is "in front of me") So I'm basically putting imaginary paperwork in his lap.   Poor guy got very jumpy if I was moving while he was in the bed. 

Another time, I'm trying to take a packet of papers apart  but in reality, I'm pulling on the hemmed edge of my top sheet

The greatest one is, I'm trying to take something off of a box or some paperwork and in reality, I'm pulling at the edge of my mattress like I'm going to pull the sewn rolled edge off the mattress.    I broke a nail twice doing this. 

I put a live video on Facebook about my mouth and brain not working together.  The boys were home with me a lot and I would ask for an umbrella when I really meant "fill my cup with ice water" and my mouth was so dry that my tongue would stick to teeth and the roof of my mouth so I really couldn't talk at all.  I bed some times they really had no idea what I said but brought me the cup of water just in case.

I'm lucky, each one of them admits to wanting to thump me only once because I said something mean and didn't catch myself.  Glad I got rid of that medicine.

So I've learned that sitting at the desk with a cold knee is no fun but, my knee doesn't like fabric to touch it either.  Oh boy.

I'm flailing here

both of my boys have mentioned suicide this week.  It's about to kill me.  I don't know what to do.  I can't put them both in the hospital, that will kill me.  I'm in so much pain.  I can't handle them alone any more.  I got Eddie to stay home with us today.  We'll have to split up today and one go to the high school while the other works on middle school stuff today.  I know were I'm going to end up.  I'll have to do both. 

I need a shower and to get dressed.  We need milk, shampoo and groceries.  I need to go to the bank too. This will be a fun day.